Thursday, March 29, 2012

The Bully

Do you remember the bully from school
The one who tried to make you look like a fool
He'd push you and shove you and take your lunch money
He'd laugh at you, sneer at you, thought it was funny

But one day this bully got a nasty surprise
You shoved him back, the look in his eyes
He didn't expect it, his bluff had been answered
His ticket as bully had been made void and cancelled

The bully who bullies you from morning to night
Maybe it's time that he got a big fright
Maybe it's time that this big puff of nothing
Was punched in the guts, knocked out the stuffing

You won't be any longer handing over your lunch money
Because from your point of view, there isn't anything funny
About being ordered to inhale fumes of tobacco most acrid
By someone whose muscles are really quite flaccid      

Alessandra Liverani

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Bikini'ed Gravitease

Bikini'ed Gravitease.

With tongues a'waggin' down at the beach...
Thonged bikini's admired by men's eyes just a'stretchin' to reach.
Telescopic eyes do wink and a'flutter...
Men stare on like wolfish types, that are a pack's own eviled like
Roundly mounds of bubbling flesh, tend to over flow over a tightly held bikini bra'ed potted container...
When one femaled torso is top heavied and proportionately gifted,
Nothing may constrain her-Since her chest is so highly lifted.
Whiplashed necks react to the cracks from the quickened neck's stare...
Staring at well endowed women can take a well thought out care.
Jiggle, jiggle, thunder and roar...
It's only time until those magical round orbs bustle and soar.
Now that is what i call the bare gravetease...
To thine eyes, i do well welcome, these paired dueled cones, well do
My groinaled area, is no longer at ease.
The female form do hold my eyes...To this bare fact, there is no disguise.
The large hootered lady can hold my attention...
I am most certainly held in a trance like erection.
This surfboard that's stiffened as in between my legs...
Will forever more, spray out like full shaken beer kegs.
Hour glass shape i do so love...
I wish to feel, as a tight fitting glove.
Michael Gale

Sunday, March 18, 2012

A Great Graduation Speaker

They gave him twenty minutes
But he finished up in ten.
Oh, there's a prince of speakers
And a servant unto men.

His diction wasn't very much,
He hemmed and hawed a bit;
But he spoke a lot of sense,
And, after that, he quit.

At first we sat plumb paralyzed,
Then cheered and cheered again;
For they gave him twenty minutes
And he finished up in ten.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

You're the Top


You’re the top!
You’re Miss Pinkham’s tonic.
You’re the top!
You’re a high colonic.
You’re the burning heat of a bridal suite in use.
You’re the breasts of Venus
You’re King Kong’s penis,
You’re self-abuse.
You’re an arch
In the Rome collection.
You’re the starch
In a groom’s erection.
I’m a eunuch who
Has just been through an op,
But if, Baby, I’m the bottom
You’re the top.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

The Moose Song

When I was a young lad I used to like girls,
I'd play with their corsets and fondle their curls.
'Till one day, my lady I caught with some churl,
Now you'd never get treated that way by a moose.

And it's moose! Moose! I want a moose!
I have never had anything quite like a moose!
I've had many women, my life has been loose,
But I've never had anything quite like a moose

Now when I'm in need of a very good lay,
I go to my closet and get me some hay.
I go to my window and spread it around.
'Cause moose always come when there's hay on the ground.

Well, I've done it with all sorts of beasties with hair,
I'd do it with snakes if their fangs were not there,
I've done it with walrus, a monkey, and goose
But I've never had anything quite like a moose.

Oh, gorillas are fun on a Saturday night,
And lions and tigers can put up a fight,
But it's not quite the same when I ram their caboose,
As the feeling I get when I hump on a moose.

I've tried many beasties on land or on sea
I've even tried hump-backs that humped back on me!
Sharks are quite good, tho they're hard to pull loose
But on dry land there is nothing quite like a moose!

Woodchucks are all right except that they bite
And foxes and rabbits won't last thru the night!
Cows would be fun, but they're hard to seduce
But you never need worry should you find a moose!

Step in my study, and trophies you'll find
A black striped tiger and scruffy maned lion
You'll know the elephant by his ivory tooth
And the one that's a-winking, you know is the moose!

The lion succumbed to a thirty-ought-six
Machine guns and tigers I've proved do not mix
The elephant fell by a bomb with a fuse
But I won't tell a soul how I did in the moose!

When I go a huntin', I don't take a gun,
I just take myself and have lots of fun.
I get up behind them, then get myself loose,
Now I've never had anything quite like a moose!

I've found many women attracted to me
A few of them have had me over for tea
Some say that they love me when they're feeling loose
But I'd trade the world's women for one lovely moose!

The good Lord made Adam, and then He made Eve
Said He: "If you sin now, I'll ask you to leave!"
They left not because of Eve's forbidden fruit
But 'cause Adam decided the moose there were cute!

The English are said to like boars who've had corn
The Celtics just dream of the young Unicorn
The Germans, it's said, just need leather and rope
But give me a moose and I'll no longer mope!

The king of the gods is a fellow named Zeus,
On top of Olympus with an urge to seduce.
They offered him virgins but he'd just refuse,
"Screw all of your virgins and bring me a moose!"

Oh, the bride of ol' Bill, it's never been told
Had surrendered her virtue indecently bold
But she still has her "Moose" - she's happily his wife
Proof even a woman can have one for life.

Now I've broken the laws in this god-awful state
They've put me in prison and locked up the gate
They say that tomorrow I'll swing from a noose
But my last night I'll spend with a good sexy moose!

Next morning the Governor's word reached my ears
"We've commuted your sentence to ninety-nine years!"
"You won't get parole; not a five minute's truce,
And your friend goes to Sing-Sing, he's so big-a-moose!"

Well, now that I'm old and advanced in my years,
When I look at my past I'll shed me no tears,
As I sit in my rocker with a glass of Mateus,
Playing hide the salami with Millie the Moose!

Tuesday, March 13, 2012


Once there was a man named Bound
While cutting his lawn, he drowned.
It was dark, and he fell
Down the shaft of a well;
Couldn't tell his grass from a hole in the ground.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Ode to Spot

Ode to Spot

Felis catus is your taxonomic nomenclature,
An endothermic quadruped, carnivorous by nature;
Your visual, olfactory, and auditory senses
Contribute to your hunting skills and natural defenses.

I find myself intrigued by your subvocal oscillations,
A singular development of cat communications
That obviates your basic hedonistic predilection
For a rhythmic stroking of your fur to demonstrate affection.

A tail is quite essential for your acrobatic talents;
You would not be so agile if you lacked its counterbalance.
And when not being utilized to aid in locomotion,
It often serves to illustrate the state of your emotion.

O Spot, the complex levels of behavior you display
Connote a fairly well-developed cognitive array.
And though you are not sentient, Spot, and do not comprehend,
I nonetheless consider you a true and valued friend.

Found on the internet

Friday, March 9, 2012


CHORUS: I owe my darlin', I owe my darlin',
I owe my darlin' Clementine,
Three bent pennies and a nickel,
Oh my darlin' Clementine.

There she stood beside the bar rail,
Drinking pink gins for two bits,
And the swollen whiskey barrels
Stood in awe beside her tits.

Eyes of whiskey, lips of water
As she sodden at me peer,
Dawns the daylight in her temple
With a f**king-warming leer.

Hung me guitar on the bar rail
At the sweetness of the sign,
In one leap lept out me trousers
Plunged into the foaming brine.

She was bawdy, she was busty
She could match the great Buzoom,
As she strained out of her bloomers
Like a melon tree in bloom.

Oh the oak tree and the cypress
Never more together twine,
Since that creeping poison ivy
Laid its blight on Clementine.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Two Literary Limericks

[William Wordsworth's Intimations of Immortality]
In childhood it's easy to feel,
The eternal suffusing the real'
But as the beholder
Gets steadily older
It doesn't seem like such a big deal.
                     [Nigel Andrews]

[T.S. Eliot's The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock]
An angst-ridden amorist, Fred,
Saw sartorial changes ahead;
His mind kept on ringing
With fishy girls singing.
Soft fruit also filled him with dread.
                 [J. Walker]

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

A Serious Manifesto

I'm the Bastard King of England,
I like to sing and dance;
And if you don't believe me
I'll kick you in the ass.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Miss Bailey's Ghost

A Captain bold in Halifax,
Who dwelt in country quarters,
Seduced a maid who hanged herself
One morning in her garters,
His wicked conscience smited him,
He lost his stomach daily,
He took to drinking turpentine
And thought upon Miss Bailey.
Oh, Miss Bailey, unfortunate Miss Bailey,
Oh, Miss Bailey, unfortunate Miss Bailey,

One night, betimes he went to bed,
For he had caught a fever,
Said he, "I am a handsome man
And I'm a gay deceiver."
His candle just at twelve o'clock
Began to burn quite palely,
A ghost stepped up to his bedside
And said, "Behold! Miss Bailey."
Oh, Miss Bailey, unfortunate Miss Bailey,
Oh, Miss Bailey, unfortunate Miss Bailey,

"Avaunt, Miss Bailey," then he cried,
"You can't fright me really."
"Dear Captain Smith," the ghost replied,
"You've used me ungenteelly.
The Coroner's quest was hard with me
Because I've acted frailly,
And parson Biggs won't bury me
Though I'm a dead Miss Bailey."
Oh, Miss Bailey, unfortunate Miss Bailey,
Oh, Miss Bailey, unfortunate Miss Bailey,

"Dear Ma'am," said he, "since you and I
Accounts must once for all close,
I have a one pound note in my
Regimental small clothes.
'Twill bribe the Sexton for your grave."
The ghost then vanished gaily,
Crying, "Bless you wicked Captain Smith,
Remember poor Miss Bailey."
Oh, Miss Bailey, unfortunate Miss Bailey,
Oh, Miss Bailey, unfortunate Miss Bailey,

Sunday, March 4, 2012

The Gilligan Tempest

Now, gentles, sit!  And yes shall hear a tale,
The story of a voyage marr'd by fate,
Commencing from a port of tropic clime
Aboard a vessel minuscule, the mate
A sailor full of puissance, yet not more
Than was his captain.  That idyllic shore
Sent forth five passengers upon a tour
Of but three hours' time; the weather played
The strumpet with the ship, her serenade
Turned hurricano, and not small at all,
Her crew's exertions nurs'd her to the lee
Of a long-forgotten atoll.  There lamed,
Brave Gilligan and his captain dwell beside
A merchant rich as Croesus and his bride,
A wanton actress, a most learned man,
And Mary Ann,
Upon the isle for which our play is named!
(with apologies to the bard)

[Found, and enjoyed]