Longevity

The horse and mule live thirty years
And never know of wines or beers.
The goat and sheep at twenty die
And never taste of scotch or rye.
The cow drinks water by the ton
And at eighteen is mostly done.
The dog at fifteen cashes in
Without the aid of rum or gin.
The cat in milk or water soaks
Then at twelve it drops and croaks.
The modest, sober, bone-dry hen
Lays eggs for nogs, and dies at ten.
All animals are strictly dry,
They sinless  live and sinless die.
But sinful, ginful, rum-soaked men
Survive for three-score years and ten.

Limerick

There was a young lady named Ransom,
Who screwed three times in a hansom.
But when she asked for more
Came a weak voice from the floor
"My name is Simpson, not Samson."

You Suck

You Suck, by OLuvs Adderrall

A space opens.
I accelerate.
Giggling and pink they
slip in before me.

"You suck" I seeth in venom.

That space was mine.
And so is this blade.
Watch the air from your tires as it hisses and fades.

"Oh my GOD!!!! YOU SUCK!!! A scream of perfumed pink and high school musicals.

"Ouch" say I. Your scorn tears my joy asunder.

"YOU BITCH!! you cry,
YOU F*CKING SUCK" you sob.
"Ooo. Ouchies." I smile.
The dog Lola, she pees in wonder.

Do I suck? Can I bear such scorn? Will your white girl venom rend permanent harm?

I deeply sigh. "No, not I."
the truth, as lightening struck.
Though my blade be quicker than my car, it is you my dear that sucks.